​The insect exploded and my soft-gray accent-wall suffered the consequences. Tragic. I’m not saying it was THAT mosquito that gave me the ellipsis branding on my back but by the looks of all that sangre it’s leaving me with little room for doubt.

Last night I went to a stand-up comedy night at my local performance center and let me tell you, there’s nothing quite like bad comedy. I wanted to, in a word, disappear. There’s something about people trying to be funny and failing that makes me suffer from such terrible second-hand embarrassment that I’d rather sink slowly into the ground and vanish into the depths of the Chamber of Secrets. Actually if we’re being honest I’d visit the Chamber on my own for purely academic reasons:

1. I straddle that fine line between Slytherin and Gryffindor (@Harry) and want to see if I’d be accepted as a friend and enemy
2. I am not afraid of snakes (@Dr. Jones) and would like to see about putting a leash on that basilisk and training it as a form of Uber transportation
3. I’d like to find that GAPING HOLE in the ground that Fawkes found in order to fly everyone out of the Chamber, send up red sparks from my wand, and say to whichever professor found me “excuse me, but was this hole not a dead giveaway?”

I feel like this post has taken a weird turn… whatever, that’s my update.