​The insect exploded and my soft-gray accent-wall suffered the consequences. Tragic. I’m not saying it was THAT mosquito that gave me the ellipsis branding on my back but by the looks of all that sangre it’s leaving me with little room for doubt.

Last night I went to a stand-up comedy night at my local performance center and let me tell you, there’s nothing quite like bad comedy. I wanted to, in a word, disappear. There’s something about people trying to be funny and failing that makes me suffer from such terrible second-hand embarrassment that I’d rather sink slowly into the ground and vanish into the depths of the Chamber of Secrets. Actually if we’re being honest I’d visit the Chamber on my own for purely academic reasons:

1. I straddle that fine line between Slytherin and Gryffindor (@Harry) and want to see if I’d be accepted as a friend and enemy
2. I am not afraid of snakes (@Dr. Jones) and would like to see about putting a leash on that basilisk and training it as a form of Uber transportation
3. I’d like to find that GAPING HOLE in the ground that Fawkes found in order to fly everyone out of the Chamber, send up red sparks from my wand, and say to whichever professor found me “excuse me, but was this hole not a dead giveaway?”

I feel like this post has taken a weird turn… whatever, that’s my update.

Hey, kids.
 
This morning I am annoyed. I was casually enjoying my Instagram stories this morning when I came across something that was extremely problematic. After watching the first few clips of a KKW Insta-story, a new clip began with Kim asking Kendall to repeat herself and Kendall saying something to the effect of “I’m worried you aren’t eating,” only to have Kim laugh it off, Kendall to say how skinny she looks and Kim to passionately thank her.
 
IIIIIIII have a couple of questions. No, actually, I don’t. I just have something to say. Having someone accuse you of not eating because you look skinny and then saying “thank you” is something... we have all probably done. I’m not going to pretend to be a politically correct angel because we’ve all likely done it. The PROBLEM is posting that exchange to your 114 MILLION followers, most of whom, I assume, are women. The message that this clip sent to her followers is that you need to look like you are starving yourself in order to receive a compliment on your body… that people need to express concern over your health in order for you to be beautiful. Am I being a lot? Am I off? Am I taking this too far? Regardless, I was FLOORED that someone who I actually really admire would post something like this publically.
 
Moving on…

Hey, kids.

I was in Europe for two weeks and didn’t have access to a computer (lmao poor me) so this is my first aggregated post in SOME time. Here’s what I learned in Italy: one dresses one’s salad ONLY with oil and vinegar, one must ask specifically for ground pepper, one must be mindful of one’s footwear whilst walking around and, finally, one must eat all the tomatoes one can before returning to America because DAMN. In London it was a different story: iced coffee is crap, tea is amazing, Harry Potter studios *will* make you cry (unless you’re heartless idk), Harrod’s is like no other shopping experience on earth and vinegar is best suited atop fried cod and *chips* (aka fries but who am I to say for sure).

IT WAS AMAZON PRIME DAY earlier this week and I bet you’re thinking “she’s a fashion-y girl, I get she took advantage of the sales.” Yes, kids, yes I did. But plot twist, my purchases had nothing to do with fashion. What did I get? A microphone and a laptop stand. That’s right, angels, I’m about to sing my heart out while ALSO being heart healthy and not sitting on my rear all day, everyday. Amazing. So healthy.

Finally, yesterday I learned that tea stains your teeth just as much as coffee. That feels unfair. Whatever, that’s my update.

I have already posted this week but LISTEN sometimes we find a lot of internet things and want to share them with the world. Ok first of all, Boz (aka my Silicon Valley idol) is leaving Uber for Endeavor. That was big news because she was only at Uber as the Chief Brand Officer for a year but she’s a badass and can do no wrong in my eyes.

Next, Demi Lovato came out with “Sober,” a new single which we all think is going to be the headlining single for her 7th album (but also like she JUST came out with Tell Me You Love Me last September so like is she writing songs like the wind or…). If there’s a new album coming soon then someone hand me a Polar seltzer and encourage me to take deep breaths because she moves me. More importantly, though, the song is leading fans (myself included) to believe that after her 6 years of sobriety, she has slipped. Demi has yet to comment on these assumptions but all of us are sending her LOVE and tranquility.

Also, James Kennedy from Vanderpump Rules just remixed Countess Luann’s “Money Can’t Buy You Class” and I can’t breathe lmao. AAAAND lastly, I finally watched “Girls Trip” this week and I “hehehe’d” through the entire movie. Tiffany Haddish has perfect comedic delivery; don’t even argue with me.
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That’s my update.

Hello children, this weekend I watched "The Kissing Booth" and I rolled my eyes during the entire movie but then proceeded watched it again the next night... and the next night. Also, I watched Iron Man 3 twice and have determined that it is the best Iron Man film. That's my update. Here's what else I liked...

Welllllcome back, kids. 

This week I began the re-launch for the JBD site into something that felt more... me. For the last 2 years I followed a path that felt disingenuous; pretending to be the kind of blogger I just wasn't. Maybe this version of the site won't feel like me in a few months, but it feels right for now. Thank you for following along.